Taylor Swift Captures Secure Attachment Relationship - Child in Mind - Boston.com

If my book, Keeping Your Child In Mind, were to have a theme song/video, it would be Taylor Swift's The Best Day. I have included the lyrics below, but suggest watching and listening (with tissues!) It offers a "right brain" emotional experience of what D.W. Winnicott termed the "holding environment." As I write in my book:

Winnicott describes this way of being with a baby as the holding environment. The mothers ability to tolerate and contain her babys distress helps him to make sense of and learn to manage his experiences. Even though holding a baby may seem to be simply a physical act, it is her emotional presence that is important to the baby.

The video speaks for itself, but here are a few points that stood out for me.

As a young child Taylor's mother physically contains her after a long day playing outside: "I hug your legs and fall asleep/on the way home" She feels safe and secure with her mother who is "not scared of anything at all."

The video captures the way in which she was included in the arrival of her baby brother. Her love for him is clear in the later lyrics, "Inside and out, he's better than me."

At thirteen she experiences inevitable social trauma, with her friends being "so mean.". Her mother does not try to fix it. Rather, Taylor receives her mother's undivided and playful attention as they go for a ride in the car. One feels confident that though, as she says, "Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay," Taylor, refueled and fortified by mother's love, will work it out herself.

While the song is primarily about her mother, Swift brings in her father "whose strength is making me stronger."

Overall, the video perfectly captures the great value of simply! being p resent with our children. In our culture of "advice" about "what to do" about any range of problems, this is a breath of fresh air. The challenge is clear our own minds and lives enough to offer our children this kind of holding. If we can, we are setting the foundation for their healthy emotional development and future success, in every sense of the word.

The Best Day

I'm five years oldIt's getting coldI've got my big coat on

I hear your laughAnd look up smiling at youI run and run

Past the pumpkin patchAnd the tractor ridesLook now -- the sky is goldI hug your legs and fall asleepOn the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fallI know you're not scared of anything at allDon't know if Snow White's house is near or far awayBut I know I had the best dayWith you today

I'm thirteen nowAnd don't know how my friendsCould be so mean

I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

And we drive and driveUntil we've found a townFar enough away

And we talk and window-shopUntil I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk toNow at schoolI know I'm laughing on the car ride home with youDon't know how long it's gonna take to feel okayBut I know I had the best dayWith you today

I have an excellent fatherHis strength is making me strongerGod smiles on my little brotherInside and outHe's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty houseAnd I had space to runAnd I had the best days with you

There is a videoI found from back when I was threeYou set up a paint set in the kitchenAnd you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate shipsAnd the seven dwarfsDaddy's smartAnd you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why all the trees change in the fallI know you were on my sideEven when I was wrongAnd I love you for giving me your eyesStaying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knewSo I'm taking this chance to sayThat I had the best day! With you today

Originally published on the blog Child in Mind.